Union Soldier John W. N. Doak's Civil War Letters: #2 Corinth, Mississippi 8/3/1862

Emily Jane "Emma" Guthrie (1838-1917) , Schoolteacher and mother, Paris, IL

Below is an excerpt from what was likely the earliest surviving letter Private John W.N. Doak sent to his sweetheart Emma. Why did it take him 10 months to write to her? That is a good question. Maybe there was an earlier letter that did not survive, he suggests that is the case in the letter. Regardless, John often chides himself for not writing often enough. And in the letter below he admits he “neglected writing to (her) for too long before.” The letter also hints at some friction in their long distance relationship.

Near Corinth, Miss.

August 3rd, 1862

Dear Emma,

Yours of 25th July was received a few days ago. I neglected writing to you for too long before, but concluded not to do so this time. I feel as though I could not think of anything interesting to write.

Ever since I last wrote to you I have been thinking of what I had written. I fear it will hurt your feelings, wish I had not written a line or two as I did, it seems as though I had forgotten that woman’s feelings were more tender and easy hurt than those of a rough soldier. When I told you I did not feel jealous of you I meant what I said, when have too much confidence in your honor to think you would trifle with any one in such a manner, but then the thought presented itself to my mind, what if she should tell you she cared not for you & only meant to deceive you? Should this be true I would of course have no right to care for you, yet I believe I would to some extent till the day I die. Any one that loves truly once will love forever, I believe.

From what I wrote you may think I care not where you think of me at all or not. If you do, you are mistaken, though I am & believe every soldier is apt to care & think less about anything of the kind here than he would if at home. In fact, I have tried to think & care but little for things generally than I used to, whether this is right or not I cannot tell, but don't believe a soldier enjoys himself well if he thinks too much about home & the loved ones there as he would if he thought but little about them.

You seem to think I do not like to talk or hear much said on the subject of love. This is not the case. I like to talk of pure love or listen to anything on the subject but I have, and so have you, heard such silly talk about love. We may have been guilty of talking of it in a similar manner, this is very wrong. When we talk or write on this subject we should be almost as serious as if talking about religion.

We read that God is love, then why should we not delight in talking on this subject? It is this that makes us happy, I delight in loving all, wish I never would be angry for when I am angry then am I unhappy. Young people sometimes think they love each other when they do not really know anything about true love.

If I love you, which I do, if I have a heart that can love at all, it is not my duty when writing to be telling you in every other line how much I love you. But it is my duty to ever be interested in your welfare and never do anything or say anything to you that will wound your feelings or render you unhappy in the least. If I have ever done or said anything that has attempted to render you unhappy, I ask your pardon--I never meant to offend you but I often do things I should not do & leave undone that I should do.

I don't think that either of us wishes to be petted by the other, we have better sense I think than to expect or wish anything of the kind, though if we should expect anything of the kind we should get rid of such a disposition. I think anything of the kind looks foolish & may do harm.

You wonder if we understand each other's dispositions, good and bad qualities, etc. You also seem to think that I would think this silly talk, if I should think so it would be because I have no sense. We should have studied this matter over well before making the agreement with each other we did. I, of course, have thought some of your disposition & believe I know it nearly as well as my own. You perhaps have faults as well as some others, though I don’t think they are very serious ones. I have never tried to conceal from you or anyone else my faults. I don't think I (am in a ) position to conceal my faults.

Write soon,

JWN Doak